Hola!

La . I thought I was losing my mind. Following that experience, growth hit warp speed answers, confirmations, and assurances from the universe continue today.  were seemed to hit warp speed. We have all are significant, but I believe, some have been invited to help shape and define, the next era of humanity. The universe appeared to be done with child’s play, refusing to accept no.  Self was searching, studying, getting to know itself fully, her growth had been delayed due to religion and desire to please earthly mother. Phenomena began to manifest, and I felt the energy urgency, gave myself to it to experience fully.  I had been asking, begging, and seeking, answers pertaining to 11:11. I spoke of and contemplated the meaning,  with others I sensed were on my level. I  had many significant experiences on that date, throughout my life. Finally the answers came.The secret didn’t open to me until the appointed time. Even as a child reality wasn’t real, seeking reality beyond seeing and feeling. I was leaving myself clues to reach higher being   of who we really are and where we are going, awakening had been beckoning sincerity, 11:11  for I had been in oblivion for ten years, unable to geof the vortex I was stuck in, which had me verge of  total hopelessness on my way to madness.utter hopelessness  Shadow work and higher levels of consciousness and dimensions, have been occurring spontaneously to me beginning five years ago, shortly after my fortieth birthday . I learned that shortly after that forty has significant Christian mythology, flood rained 40 days and nights, immigrants seeking asylum wandered in the desert for forty years. 

This came from a story in the Christian b.i.b.l.e, allowing the silence to speak from Quakerism, Native dancing and chanting.  

Ugg I feel stuck today and can’t seem to get the drink off my mind. Not the drink itself, but the immediate calming of the storms that rage inside.  I am doing all online recovery at this time because I have been involved with AA, NA, CA, even ran a Celebrate Recovery group at one time, and I am sure it’s me since I am the common denominator, but none of those programs held any lasting or meaningful substance in the long run. I have had long periods of abstinence, longest period 5 years twice.  I have had the greatest success in AA but since I am a, “relapse queen.” I now feel only judgment, criticism, and well unsupported. I expect those reactions from people who are uneducated or unaware, and have no experience with addiction, but from peers who supposedly are addicts and have, “found a solution, and there is no easier, softer way,” it is especially disheartening.  I thank God daily for this website, where I learned of non 12 step recovery programs, for the first time. I am excited by some of these other types of programs, although finding local meetings has proven to be difficult.  Any Suggestions?