Da Bull The Oasis-Desert Club

Quicksand 8/24/2022

Turns out working @ The State fair was like walking on quicksand. The more I thought about being there day by day with some of those miserable people, coupled with my  Abuelos B-day I could not go back after lunch. As each year goes by I become more acutely aware of anniversaries that come and go. On May 28 1991 my abuelo went into the hospital and was not going to make it to my HS Grad and I cried the entire night. Truly he was the only one I wanted there. We even had to cut my grand party short to go to the hospital. The most acute memory on top of that was my Dad kicking my little brother in the ass on the way out of the door cuz he was drunk and my poor little brother was only 18 months old and tired from a long tiring day.

Fast forward to 8 months ago and he is nothing but a big fucking lying rathole, My brother Adam that is.

What say you about Kevin? Well Springhill jack is back!!!

UAW 218

I once met this man named Rudy and his gal Veronica. He was a huge manipulative assohle from the get go. 

I cannot believe the stocker status. I saw him again today  walking down copper street. Somehow he found out where I am and thinks if he runs into me again there will be some hope of communication and forget that shit. 

I know a user and abuser when I see itl.  Thank God for Kevin as I  do every day. Rudy is a POS by any means possible to get something that is not his to have, or it would be his.

As I sit here and contemplate the things I have experienced much of it is spiritual in nature esoteric hearing from spirits channeling sometimes I know exactly who it is and at times it takes time to figure out who or what cuz spirits I hear from do not speak thru me and I give not yield to any of those types of spirits. Channeling, which many times happens spontaneously meaning with effort on my part as I do not practice that type of thing since it feels weird and like either I am privy to a conversation that has nothing to do with me or someone is attempting to get into my business. Since it began I have simply found ways to set boundaries with those that keep coming back for more in subterfuge.

With the purpose to manipulate or otherwise change me in some way. That will not happen because I do not have personality disorder or anything like that. I am simply sensitive.

I have been melancholy all day as they were burying Eddy today. I never got to meet Bobbie’s older brother because he was in prison most of his life, most of us are in some type of imprisonment whether it be imprisoned by our addictions or literally. There are different forms of imprisonment. I feel more and more imprisoned by my need to be surrounded by people that are authentic and at least somewhat like minded. 

Petty small minded jealous people I don’t have time to waste on. This transition into what is considered the fall of life season is perplexing as I am young, healthy and shall remain so. I am as young as I feel, and I still feel 21 physically and emotionally 20,000 yrs old. 

Living in a world where most people are only out for themselves, it is not only a world which makes no sense to me it baffles me that these beings cannot see it only themselves they ultimately do damage to when going around like hurricanes damaging everyone in their atmosphere with their misery, and spew their misery and jealousy on others which possess that which they do not. Pazzaz,  panache, influance.

Looking forward to this new Jale which dovetails with my newfound creative side, love of nature, people watching and in general absorbing all that is through a new perspective. 

The most difficult thing I have been dealing with is insomnia and the desire for a job, not necessary because I need the $$ as things simply come to us in various ways. But for the enrichment of my days giving them more structure and purpose and in general something to look forward to. Creating new and uplifting friendships is always the best thing about starting a new job.  

It’s funny how some things come full circle and some things don’t.  Working at Expo NM was suggested to me a while back and it came to fruition, by simply trusting Great Spirit and putting one foot in front of the other. No always doing the next, right,: thing as well I have a propensity to end up in the strangest situations and wonder how I got there.  I say a little prayer for Ghost, heard disturbing news. Thank God I chose to keep myself out of that drama. I sensed something was about to break there’; and again it baffles me how harmful underhanded and evil in general people can be.  This is what leads me to be so leary of trusting any new people. I have a select few that I can entrust my heart with although that is way more than some ever have. I say a prayer for those that have none to feel safe emotionally spiritually, and physically with.  It looks like walking on quicksand I’ve been there too many times. I hope and pray I never end up in a situation like what I experienced in Texas.  

Rating: 1 out of 5.

Rating: 1 out of 5.

Rating: 1 out of 5.

8-9-2022

I am so sick of those that think they can continue in this time to manipulate or otherwise skip or try to jump this train. This aint the trump train! We all stand and the works of our hands have either been accepted or rejected as in the times of Cain  and Able. Thankfully my works have been smiled upon once again. Thank you family for visiting when my heart is at it’s greatest bewilderment. There is nothing to be done. For who ever that person is believes I did something. No you just crossed the wrong one. We do not seek power money or notoriety beyond basic needs and comfort. Take what you can use and leave the rest, does not nececissalary meand you get to cherry pick and leave the scraps for others. It meas use what is useful to you and leave what is useful for others for them.

It is the time of the threshing floor that is what you are facing. To us that have been faithfull with little much more has been given and blessings bestowed on us have not been saught or cultivated they have been gifted,

Well done good and faithfull servant we have been told and freedom is ours, because we have sought to uplift others throughout our life time. Too many in this age when a child asks for bread give serpents. This is why we do not understand this world any longer.

Wisdom applied incorrectly is deadly to the eternal soul.Mummering backbiting and complaining about another brother or sister is spiritual murder, this is why gossiping is meatind and being abhorred above all, and mentioned twice in the be attitude.

We have not hate we don’t even know who you are and have nothing to offer you. For what ever reason you believe we have done something to you. What has happened you did it to yourself. You came into my space and I simply stood my ground and fought back you cannot fault me for that. I have warned you repeatedly to stay away. My angels above and on earth are all watching. 

La . I thought I was losing my mind. Following that experience, growth hit warp speed answers, confirmations, and assurances from the universe continue today.  were seemed to hit warp speed. We have all are significant, but I believe, some have been invited to help shape and define, the next era of humanity. The universe appeared to be done with child’s play, refusing to accept no.  Self was searching, studying, getting to know itself fully, her growth had been delayed due to religion and desire to please earthly mother. Phenomena began to manifest, and I felt the energy urgency, gave myself to it to experience fully.  I had been asking, begging, and seeking, answers pertaining to 11:11. I spoke of and contemplated the meaning,  with others I sensed were on my level. I  had many significant experiences on that date, throughout my life. Finally the answers came.The secret didn’t open to me until the appointed time. Even as a child reality wasn’t real, seeking reality beyond seeing and feeling. I was leaving myself clues to reach higher being   of who we really are and where we are going, awakening had been beckoning sincerity, 11:11  for I had been in oblivion for ten years, unable to geof the vortex I was stuck in, which had me verge of  total hopelessness on my way to madness.utter hopelessness  Shadow work and higher levels of consciousness and dimensions, have been occurring spontaneously to me beginning five years ago, shortly after my fortieth birthday . I learned that shortly after that forty has significant Christian mythology, flood rained 40 days and nights, immigrants seeking asylum wandered in the desert for forty years. 

This came from a story in the Christian b.i.b.l.e, allowing the silence to speak from Quakerism, Native dancing and chanting.  

 

Ugg I feel stuck today and can’t seem to get the drink off my mind. Not the drink itself, but the immediate calming of the storms that rage inside.  I am doing all online recovery at this time because I have been involved with AA, NA, CA, even ran a Celebrate Recovery group at one time, and I am sure it’s me since I am the common denominator, but none of those programs held any lasting or meaningful substance in the long run. I have had long periods of abstinence, longest period 5 years twice.  I have had the greatest success in AA but since I am a, “relapse queen.” I now feel only judgment, criticism, and well unsupported. I expect those reactions from people who are uneducated or unaware, and have no experience with addiction, but from peers who supposedly are addicts and have, “found a solution, and there is no easier, softer way,” it is especially disheartening.  I thank God daily for this website, where I learned of non 12 step recovery programs, for the first time. I am excited by some of these other types of programs, although finding local meetings has proven to be difficult.  Any Suggestions?

 

8/6/2022=19=1+9…

Upon reading

on Marx and his theroys that birthed Marxism, I greieve for his spirit, as he was with out any god/goddess there is his complete downfall for the after life…. Where did his spirit go then, as our energy does move to other realms. Simply non-belief, much more is required for success. There is nothing more valuable than FAITH or FE en espanol.

The new Movie Zoo wth Tommy Chong I found somewhat offensive simply because it is sexualizing childrn way too early, good conceptl and casr, although it could have been actually geared for the betterment of future generations esepecally inlight of the Woodstock 1999 documentry i have begun watching 2day.

Woodstock 1999…oops out of Time

After watching that especially, Frequency is key. Is that meaning how often 432/369

Blackhawk CO.

La . I thought I was losing my mind. Following that experience, growth hit warp speed answers, confirmations, and assurances from the universe continue today.  were seemed to hit warp speed. We have all are significant, but I believe, some have been invited to help shape and define, the next era of humanity. The universe appeared to be done with child’s play, refusing to accept no.  Self was searching, studying, getting to know itself fully, her growth had been delayed due to religion and desire to please earthly mother. Phenomena began to manifest, and I felt the energy urgency, gave myself to it to experience fully.  I had been asking, begging, and seeking, answers pertaining to 11:11. I spoke of and contemplated the meaning,  with others I sensed were on my level. I  had many significant experiences on that date, throughout my life. Finally the answers came.The secret didn’t open to me until the appointed time. Even as a child reality wasn’t real, seeking reality beyond seeing and feeling. I was leaving myself clues to reach higher being   of who we really are and where we are going, awakening had been beckoning sincerity, 11:11  for I had been in oblivion for ten years, unable to geof the vortex I was stuck in, which had me verge of  total hopelessness on my way to madness.utter hopelessness  Shadow work and higher levels of consciousness and dimensions, have been occurring spontaneously to me beginning five years ago, shortly after my fortieth birthday . I learned that shortly after that forty has significant Christian mythology, flood rained 40 days and nights, immigrants seeking asylum wandered in the desert for forty years. 

This came from a story in the Christian b.i.b.l.e, allowing the silence to speak from Quakerism, Native dancing and chanting.  

Psalms

Psalm 91

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High

    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a]

I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,

    my God, in whom I trust.”

Surely he will save you

    from the fowler’s snare

    and from the deadly pestilence.

He will cover you with his feathers,

    and under his wings you will find refuge;

    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

You will not fear the terror of night,

    nor the arrow that flies by day,

nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,

    nor the plague that destroys at midday.

A thousand may fall at your side,

    ten thousand at your right hand,

    but it will not come near you.

You will only observe with your eyes

    and see the punishment of the wicked.

If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”

    and you make the Most High your dwelling,

no harm will overtake you,

    no disaster will come near your tent. 

For he will command his angels concerning you

    to guard you in all your ways;

they will lift you up in their hands,

    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

You will tread on the lion and the cobra;

    you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

“Because he[b] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;

    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

He will call on me, and I will answer him;

    I will be with him in trouble,

    I will deliver him and honor him.

With long life I will satisfy him

    and show him my salvation.”

Phi-PHI-pho-fum

4-25-2020 

Blue Rhino=

Truly was revealing in many ways and even more so now. I am amazed that even those that claim to be enlightened whom I should be able to communicate with with some levil of understanding seem to not understand.

Selah-

Games…hmm. I am overly sensitive, that is for sure, I bid it all adu. I sure wish I could just erase two years from my memory. 

I hate being on the rag!!! And at this point all the fond memories I had of most folks are tainted perhaps beyond repair.  I feel apathy, and unwilling to even communicate any more.  Inspiration comes and goes mostly I am well the walking dead is what it feels like. Heart shattered in so many peaces humpty dumpty heart couldn’t put it back together again. 

I shall wait on the Lord of all hosts for I know I will get beauty for ashes. Too hot to handle because I have been burnt too many times.  I no longer will attempt to “bridge the Gap,” or seek to. I am all cried out. 

for that Gap is one that is a chasm not to be crossed perhaps.  I know I fulfill my purpose each day to the best of  my ability. It’s just me myself and I and we three it shall be.

Sheeat the story and shit changed and morphed so many times so fast I could not keep up. The book? Written practically, I had so much to go through and shit to be blamed for any of this shit is bull shit… I am so much better for sticking to my guns. 

I answer to GOD and I know thru it all I have been faithfull to what I know to be true. Those that have and are still attempting to label shit otherwise are simply wrong and unwilling to take responsibility for themselves and their actions in deceiving me over and over. 

Consequences are as they are.  I leave you to the God’s to deal with because I know that will bring justice not vengeance or revenge which are simply a waste of time and energy, especially since like begets like. 

I am not and haven’t been the person perceived by many, and I will not adhere to others perception of me or morph into what “they” want as I am what GOD created me to be. 

I was willing to do book and still am, where shit got sideways I am not sure, but I do know this I am sovereign and free and protected and directed and only available to God’s will 4 my life.  People will dissapoint and error, then there are others, from beginning to end I know it all has to do with that damd ring I tried on briefly for a moment.

That in no way obligates me to any one or anything. One can claim alzimers or what ever we see through it.  How can you lie like that? I pity you. Some may think me foolish, and perhaps I am; especially for seeing the best in others and attempting to bring it to the fore front.

There has been and is still constant opposition and tactics at a level I have never experienced. I can say this you will never get what you want from me with harm and deception in mind. It worked for a bit thankfully I am wise beyond that which I am even able to recognize.

I do know this daily God is pleased with me, and we are leveling up so to speak. Haha wish you the best. One thing is for sure I am tired of being accused of exactly what I am not.

Every tongue that rises against me will be shown to be in the wrong. God will set me a table before mine enemies, perhaps that is what has been happening. I know this we all fall, as for me and my household we will serve the lord and when I fall I fall forward. 

if you like me we,we…One LOVE, ONE Heart one dream…

If you are like me we, we??

If you are anything like me, you are a typical busy American women,  on the go, never satisfied. Always looking for the next trend, idea or thing, for excitement and stimulation.

 Although we appear to have it all, great relationships, great jobs,cars, houses, and happy families, we were living the american dream, or was it a nightmare.

 Having obtained everything we had been taught would lead to happy and fulfilling lives, our  lives can still feel empty, and unfulfilling, as a result experienced disillusionment and  depressession set in. I thought to myself many times,“After all the effort and time to do the right thing, and this is what I get? Broke, busted, and disgusted.”

I came to the point of desperation. I embarked on a search for relief from these feelings  of unfulfillment.  After all the work I had put in to my lifestyle I wanted change,without having to uproot and change everything about my life. 

How could I be free to be me, to live the life that I had built, and adored. How could I live, enjoy, and be more apart of this life that was totally mine yet somehow wasn’t? These questions and many more we will explore. 

Tune in for lots more fun.

Best Wishes